she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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