i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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