I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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