Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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