sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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