meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
