there's paper in my vomit.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
