he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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