Cold hands, warm shart.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
