when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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