Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
