Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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