We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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