playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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