Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
