I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's shark week go big or go home
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
