I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
