Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
