He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
