I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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