We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I cannot find my penis.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
