god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
not ubering you a puppy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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