I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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