she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
