Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
