Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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