totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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