my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come see our sink grown plant.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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