I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
