And the cops told us we were all naked.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
