So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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