I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
