he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
