PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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