I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
