just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
