i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
