They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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