how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
