he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
