My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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