Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
