I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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