My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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