i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
