did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
