I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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