somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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