The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
