Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
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She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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