Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize