Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
