i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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