i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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