Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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