So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
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The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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