I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
