in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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