Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize