Duck Duck Cougar?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
