You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
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You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
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Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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