Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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